Last week I told you what attracted me to my wife and how we started dating. I asked her out in February of 1997, and I remember thinking, “I could marry this woman.” We got engaged that Thanksgiving and were married the following April.
But how did I know that I wasn’t making a big mistake? What assurance did I have that this marriage thing would work for us?
I didn’t have any kind of revelation from God or major epiphany. My decision to pursue marriage with Jeanie was primarily based on three simple questions. I didn’t have it put together that well in my mind then, but looking back, I can now list them as follows:
1. What would my life be like without her?
My answer was that it would not be good. I would be less of a man. Her presence in my life made me better, and I saw this specifically in how she journeyed with me through my depression. Simply put, Jeanie was good for me.
2. Do I love Jesus more because of her?
Jeanie’s love for Jesus challenged me to pursue him. She did not hinder my walk with Christ, but actually helped fuel it. I knew that we could journey together towards Christ because I had witnessed her doing this already.
3. What is keeping me from asking her to marry me?
This third question was where the rubber met the road. I had to honestly ask, “Why wouldn’t I marry this woman?” I had no good answer.
The more I overthought this, the more unsure I became. I actually had to discipline myself to go back to some simple truths: This woman is beautiful, Godly, and good for me. She makes me want to be a better man and pursue Christ more. I would be much worse off were she not in my life.
I still had doubts and fears:
- What if there’s someone else out there who’s better?
- Am I really ready for a commitment this big?
- What if we get married, and I don’t like something significant about her?
- Is she really the one for me?
But these were trumped by what I knew to be true. The only thing left was for me to actually marry this woman. This was one of many times in life where Jeanie has helped to make a man out of me. I had to move forward with courage, faith, and hope that this woman would say “yes” to me and that it would all work out.
So what about you?
If you’re married or engaged, what convinced you to pop the question? Did you have any serious doubts or concerns? How did you overcome those?
If you’re single and looking to be married, what are the biggest fears you have? What might keep you from asking a woman to marry you?
– Seth Prince