“I wanna marry this girl” – How Did I Know?

Last week I told you what attracted me to my wife and how we started dating. I asked her out in February of 1997, and I remember thinking, “I could marry this woman.” We got engaged that Thanksgiving and were married the following April.

But how did I know that I wasn’t making a big mistake? What assurance did I have that this marriage thing would work for us?

I didn’t have any kind of revelation from God or major epiphany. My decision to pursue marriage with Jeanie was primarily based on three simple questions. I didn’t have it put together that well in my mind then, but looking back, I can now list them as follows:

1. What would my life be like without her?
My answer was that it would not be good. I would be less of a man. Her presence in my life made me better, and I saw this specifically in how she journeyed with me through my depression. Simply put, Jeanie was good for me.

2. Do I love Jesus more because of her?
Jeanie’s love for Jesus challenged me to pursue him. She did not hinder my walk with Christ, but actually helped fuel it. I knew that we could journey together towards Christ because I had witnessed her doing this already.

3. What is keeping me from asking her to marry me?
This third question was where the rubber met the road. I had to honestly ask, “Why wouldn’t I marry this woman?” I had no good answer.

The more I overthought this, the more unsure I became. I actually had to discipline myself to go back to some simple truths: This woman is beautiful, Godly, and good for me. She makes me want to be a better man and pursue Christ more. I would be much worse off were she not in my life.

I still had doubts and fears:

  • What if there’s someone else out there who’s better?
  • Am I really ready for a commitment this big?
  • What if we get married, and I don’t like something significant about her?
  • Is she really the one for me?

But these were trumped by what I knew to be true. The only thing left was for me to actually marry this woman. This was one of many times in life where Jeanie has helped to make a man out of me. I had to move forward with courage, faith, and hope that this woman would say “yes” to me and that it would all work out.

So what about you?

If you’re married or engaged, what convinced you to pop the question? Did you have any serious doubts or concerns? How did you overcome those?

If you’re single and looking to be married, what are the biggest fears you have? What might keep you from asking a woman to marry you?

– Seth Prince

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4 thoughts on ““I wanna marry this girl” – How Did I Know?

  1. Check, check, check, and check.

    I’ve had doubts because I’m young and they were doubts forced onto us. I have also seen childish teenagers turn 18 and become rebellious of their parents and get married to some loser. Not who I wanted to be.

    Basically though, the people who say to wait wish they had time to be independent and free, travel, or whatever other lame excuse AKA prolonged adolescence.

    I’m ready to continue to mature with another for the rest of my life. With my parents’ blessing, and her parents’ permission, I am good to go.

    I am looking forward to being a part of the married community.

    Like

    1. Thanks for the thoughts, Levi. Glad to hear that you’re pursuing Alissa well!

      You raise a good question regarding singleness, marriage, and when to “pull the trigger.” I think the challenge with this is that everyone’s journey is different. Some may choose singleness intentionally, selflessly, or even unwillingly as God leads. Some may choose singleness because they are afraid of commitment, selfish, and refusing to grow up.

      The hard part here is that you can’t really make a judgment call unless you get to know a person. From what I’ve seen, this isn’t usually very cut-and-dried.

      Here’s a great blog post on JustCor.com that somewhat addresses this issue and has a lot of comments!

      http://www.justcor.com/it-is-not-easy-being-single-in-the-church/

      For the conversation at hand, what are the indicators that a woman is YOUR woman? How can you know that she really is the one for you?

      I’d love to hear more thoughts!

      Like

      1. The comment about singleness came off harshly. Not only did it sound harsh, it was kinda harsh. I find myself judging single Christians, and that’s not okay. You are completely right when you say it’s not cut and dried. It’s case by case like many things, I agree.

        Thanks for challenging me! Men need that.

        Like

  2. Seth,

    I think I would echo your comments on how my decision to marry Laura happened. I had no detailed list on why she is the one to marry; the reasons seem to come now after getting er done.
    I want to echo the second reason you brought up “Do I love jesus more because of her?” Without a doubt, God has used Laura in big ways to draw me closer to him. Sometimes drawing closer to him results from a great experience or reality about her; other times I am drawn closer because of friction between us. Regardless of the catalyst, I get to move closer to God and invite him into many more experiences.

    Oh, and she is beautiful and I knew she wanted to marry me. That was all the convincing I needed at the time.

    Like

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